Every woman has a story to tell. In the past year working as a sex coach, I’ve heard all kinds of stories from all kinds of women. Stories about their lives, their love, and of course, stories of their sexuality.
Some women consider themselves highly sexual.
Others struggle to feel pleasure.
Some have given the power of pleasure away to their partners.
Others have been victims of sexual trauma.
Some women know and trust their turn on, while others feel completely disconnected from their bodies.
What I’ve seen time and time again is that many women keep their real stories about their sexuality hidden. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve lied about my orgasm multiple times. To men, and to women.
These women suffer in silence, often feeling broken or like they’re doing something wrong in their sexuality. They listen to the stories of other women who seem to experience what we’d call “normal” sexuality and quietly worry that they’ll never be able to experience the pleasure they hear other women talk about.
Women who have a sexual response that lies outside of the realm of how we’ve narrowly defined “normal” often end up resigning themselves to a lifetime of feeling inadequate around their sexuality. This may start to look like a sexual shut down, depression, anxiety or fear around sexuality. It may even start to negatively impact their relationships and their sense of self worth.
When I turned 40 years old, I was one of those women. I had never experienced an orgasm and I was fluctuating between feeling frustrated, broken and resigned to feeling like there absolutely HAD to be a way for me to expereince what I knew was possible in my body.
I attribute my anorgasmia to a terrible first sexual experience which was NOT pleasurable and ended with the boy telling me that something was wrong with me because I didn’t orgasm. I also grew up in a home that was not sex positive or open. Sex wasn’t discussed, and there was an immense amount of fear around dating boys, or appearing inappropriate.
Fast forward to University and faking multiple orgasms, meeting the love of my life and reading multiple books to try and fix the problem, to eventually to the place of fluctuation between caring and not caring - shutting down, turning off my pleasure, and feeling profoundly broken. This feeling of “brokenness” carried over into pregnancy where I didn’t go into “natural” labour with my three daughters because I felt like I was incapable of these normal bodily functions women have, like - naturally induced labour. I was induced with all three babies at 2 weeks past my due date.
When I turned 40, I began to explore my orgasm using a vibrator and found myself having success with a significant amount of work, and time. It was two years after this that I would discover the Jade Egg and found myself crying on my bed after experiencing my first orgasm without the use of a vibrator. Since then, I’ve committed to a regular practice around deepening my orgasmic capacity and expanding my definition of orgasm opening up to deep vaginal and gspot orgasms. This is still a journey I’m on and something I work on with focused intention and coaching.
Today, I’m feeling inspired to tell you about my orgasm because my friend Keeley Olivia is taking the Leamington Spa TEDx stage this weekend to share about her sexuality. Listening to her talk today on a call inspired me to share my story which is still laden with some shame and fear in sharing so vulnerably. This blog post is in support of Keeley’s step forward and in support of all women who are living their lives believing that they may never experience the kind of pleasure they so deeply long to feel.
When I decided to become a Sex Coach, I knew that a big part of my work would be to show women that they can experience the pleasure they desire, they can have the relationships they want, and they are worthy of their sexual wholeness. I knew that I wanted to help the women who felt like they were beyond help, who are on that brink of giving up on themselves.
I also wanted to help the women who were ready to say YES to their desires and step into what might be possible for their sexuality.
Over this past year of coaching I’ve seen women move from trauma into deep profound healing and orgasmic expression in their sexuality. I’ve seen women move from feelings of unworthiness to being treated like Queens on dates. I’ve seen women prioritize THEIR pleasure and step into their lives with crystal clear boundaries around what they do and do not want. I’ve seen women move from vibrator dependency to finger freedom!! I’ve seen these transformations happen within just a few months of targeted, consistent coaching combined with self practice and a crystal clear desire to transform.
This past summer, I launched my most ambitious project yet, the Wild + Divine Membership. This membership is a collection of practices, live experiences, and inspirational content designed to help all women feel at home with their sexuality and their pleasure. It’s a continually evolving project that is in complete alignment with my belief that sexual awakening can be accessed by all women. I envisioned that it would feel like a virtual yoga studio, but for sexual practice.
And for the women who feel broken like I used to. I’m creating with you in mind as well. Over the next few weeks I’ll be adding content to my membership that specifically addresses four of the big problems many women have when it comes to their sexuality.
Women feeling like they don’t have time (I’ll be adding 5 - 10 minute pick me up practices for those days when you don’t have time for a longer practice)
Women who have a difficult time with orgasm or who have never experienced one.
Women who experience pain during sex.
Women who have lost their turn on, or who have lost passion in their relationships.
I want you to know that your experience is valid. Your experience is normal. You are NOT BROKEN. You are whole, you are human, and you can have the sexuality that you most desire. It is within the realm of possibility, and I’m here to support you.
Today, I’m inviting you to join me on this journey of sexual self care. My goal is to bring thousands of women into the Wild + Divine membership community to share in the magic of the transformative power of an intentional self pleasure practice.
If you’d like to join us at the special introductory price of $28/month (you will be locked in at that price always and forever) you can head on over to the Membership site to learn more and to sign up: http://wildanddivine.co
If you’re not totally sure you’d like to commit to the membership yet, there are two other options for you.
Option 1: Join my Pleasurable Living for Creative Women Facebook group. I’ll be sharing more about my work inside this group and it’s a great place to connect with other women who are on this same path of living life with pleasure as the guide.
Option 2: Sign up for the 5 Days to Soothe + Nourish your Body email series. This email series is 5 days of delicious journeying into rest, ease, and nervous system soothing. It will give you a really great idea of what it’s like to practice pleasure on a regular basis.
And for those of you reading, but not quite ready to dive into your sexuality just yet but are definitely feeling a draw toward creating more pleasure in your life, I’ve reopened my Desire Map Facebook group and we’re going to start talking a lot about Core Desired Feelings and the Desire Map process over the next few months as we close out 2018 and head into 2019. If you’d like to be part of that conversation, head on over to Facebook and request to join this group, we’d love to have you there!
Here’s to continuing to serve women who are truly ready to liberate themselves, their bodies, and their pleasure!! You are not broken, you are healthy, whole and capable of orgasmic bliss beyond your wildest imagination!