Back in the studio again.
Full disclosure: this week was the first time in about two years that I’ve gone to a yoga class.
Yep, that’s right. I practice, breathe, live and teach yoga but I haven’t stepped foot inside a studio for quite a long time.
It’s not that I haven’t been practicing. I’ve spent time on my mat, in my own studio. Most often my practice was restorative or gentle, meditative and contemplative. It was perfect for where I’ve been in my life over the past couple of years training to become a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach. This 600 hour certification took a great deal of energy and often getting on my mat was more about settling my nervous system than it was about developing my yoga practice.
It’s been an interesting journey back to a studio led practice again. Many of you know that my path to Tantra and the training with Layla Martin began with a serious bout of burnout and frustration with teaching yoga. I was looking for something else, something to inspire me and I discovered the path of pleasure and awakened sexuality. Because of all of this, coming back to yoga studios hasn’t been without some major trepidation.
I’ve spent many years chasing after the perfect “yoga body” or trying to achieve a particular pose because I thought it meant something about me if I was an accomplished practitioner. A quick scroll back on my Instagram feed reveals a practice done for “likes”, “comments” and “follows”. I know that a lot of my self worth was tied up in my asana practice and this was all at the back of my mind when I booked into that first class.
First, I was worried about what the teacher would think when she saw my practice had gotten so weak over the past few years.
Then I was worried about caring about what the teacher thought.
Which caused me to worry that I wouldn’t enjoy my practice.
And – so I arrived on the mat (late and rushed… because why not cap off an already uncomfortable experience with drawing even more attention to myself?) and I dove into the practice.
As I felt myself move into familiar shapes, and breathe at that familiar cadence, I was reminded of my deep love for the practice of yoga. All of my worries about what my practice was looking like were fading away – could it be that those two years off actually changed my relationship with being on the mat? I’d never felt so centered, so present, so ALIVE inside my body while practicing in a led studio class.
And then, there was a whisper – my soul – that said, “Robin, you need to practice yoga as a student right now”. Since that class, I’ve realized why I was so reluctant to promote the teacher training I had planned for 2018/19. It was because I needed to experience the humility of being a student, even to the point of making the decision to retake my 200 hour training this summer.
When you get really quiet, when you get present – your soul speaks to you. Most often, it happens to me in the shower…. or during an epic self pleasure practice. But, this time it was clear that my soul knew that my yoga journey was just beginning. Again.
Which leads me to what I wanted to share with you in this post, which is the power of pleasure. You see, two years ago I had no clue what my body was capable of. I didn’t know my power, or my strength, or my capacity to flow waves or orgasmic pleasure through my entire body. My relationship with my body at the time of my burnout was one that was focused on my short comings, my weaknesses, and my perceived inadequacies.
Back then when I went to a yoga class, I was hyper aware of what I might appear to look like from the outside looking in. I was never fully embodied, I was always distanced in some way from the experience of my practice. The way I found my presence in yoga was through teaching. Teaching has always allowed me to experience presence unlike anything else in my life. I’m seeing now that the outward energy of teaching all the time, without replenishing through my personal practice was certainly a contributing factor in my eventual burnout.
Over the past two years I’ve been focusing on sexual self care practices that are designed reenergize me and rewire my relationship to my body, to pleasure, and ultimately to the world around me. These practices have allowed me to drop into a soulful sensuality that feels deeply authentic. This authenticity has made every aspect of my life easier, and more sustainable. It’s also allowed me to experience a fullness in my life that has opened my eyes to profound love, compassion, joy, and the beauty of the world around me.
Yoga used to feel like an exercise in thought management, and body contortion, and whatever has changed within me has opened me to a depth of presence in my practice I had only ever read about or heard others talk about. What I noticed was that without all of the typical noise I used to experience while in a yoga practice, I could really focus on the deeper wisdom that resides inside of me. I was able to receive the whisper of my soul, and to truly experience the healing power of yoga.
We’ve definitely got the self development thing all backwards. I see so many amazing women working to improve themselves, to find their spiritual truth, and to cultivate a sense of genuine self love, yet, I rarely see anyone start with the most powerful awakening tool of all – the source of creation itself – their sexuality. And what I’ve seen time and time again is that once a woman awakens and heals her sexuality, all of the other pieces fall into place with ease and pleasure. Sex is far too often placed on the back burner, filed in the “I’m not ready yet” category, or bound up in fear and hesitation when it has the power to transform everything if we invited it to.
I didn’t really understand the impact of this work on my life until I stepped back into the yoga studio again last week. I can see now that the kinder, gentler, more authentic version of myself that I’ve cultivated through my sexual self care practice and working with top trained sex coaches has created a spaciousness through which I can now genuinely feel the impact of my yoga practice going forward..
(side note: years and years of dedicated yoga practice would have also resulted in the same effect – such is the path of yoga – but, I’m all about taking the easier, more pleasurable short cut and that’s what I’m suggesting you consider doing to
Pleasure is your power.
Pleasure is the path.
If you want to learn more about how you can work with me and awaken to your deeper more authentic wholeness through sexual self care and powerful 1:1 body mind coaching – I’m currently accepting a handful of new clients. To learn more about my Wild + Divine 1:1 Coaching Packages, and to discover if coaching is the right path for you – please feel free to book your free Clarity Call on my website. I’ve just added my October dates on my calendar for anyone looking to get started on their sexual awakening journey right away!