For many women, sexual desire can decrease over the course of a long term relationship. Some say the solution will come from finding a viagra-like pill for women, but the women I talk to aren’t interested in this. Most women would much prefer to find natural ways to increase their libido so they can have better sex in their marriage.
What surprises many of the women I work with is that I actually teach all of my yoga students some of the most effective mindfulness tools that work great on the yoga mat and even better in the bedroom and that having amazingly connected, mind blowing sex with your partner (or on your own) is only just a few Sun Salutations away!
This method of teaching yoga wasn’t something I learned in my yoga teacher training 10 years ago. It’s actually something I learned two years ago while training with Layla Martin to be a Sex Coach. These mindfulness tools that I teach and share with my yoga students are actually the 5 Elements of Holistic Sexuality! Essentially, I’m teaching all of my students to be better lovers and the only thing they have to do to improve their sex life is take everything they’ve learned on the mat into the bedroom with them!
So... what are these five mindfulness tools and how can YOU start having better sex today just by doing a few sun salutations and applying these 5 principles?
Let’s dive in.
Mindfulness Tool #1 - It all begins and ends with relaxation.
Where in your body do you feel relaxation? Can you focus on that sensation of relaxation and then can you relax even more? Even more? Every exhalation feel yourself deepening into the spaces and places of relaxation. Close your eyes for a moment and continue to soften as though a blanket of relaxation has been laid over your entire body. Feel your connection to the earth below you. Feel yourself here and now.
PRO TIP FOR THE BEDROOM : If you’re struggling with low sexual desire or want to increase your libido learning how to relax easily is going change everything.
For many women, stress is a very common reason why they are experiencing low sexual desire in their long term relationship. If you feel stressed, anxious, tired or burned out make sure you check out my free course, The Soulful + Sensual 5 Day Healing Journey.
Mindfulness Tool #2 - Increase sensation by focusing on what you feel.
Notice the sensation you feel in your body. Some sensations will feel pleasurable. Some will be uncomfortable and others will be neutral. Allow your mind to focus on what you feel moment to moment. Move towards the pleasure while creating space for the presence of all other sensations to exist. This isn’t about ignoring how you feel - it’s about choosing what you want to focus on. My suggestion? Focus on what feels good.
PRO TIP FOR THE BEDROOM: If you’re feeling numbed out or disconnected from your body you can improve your awareness of sensations by practicing body meditation.
To practice Body Meditation, lay quietly for 5 - 10 minutes and speak out loud every sensation that you feel and where you feel it. This will help you develop a relationship with sensation in your body which can improve your overall experience of pleasure.
Mindfulness Tool #3 - Liberate stuck or stagnant energy in your body with movement
Let your body be free. Don’t get locked into ideas about how your body should look. Trust your body’s innate ability to move intelligently. Close your eyes and let the rhythm of the practice move your body without inhibition.
PRO TIP FOR THE BEDROOM: Your emotions may be creating tension in your body. Use dance as a way to process difficult emotions before having sex.
If you’re “not in the mood” for sex but your partner is - you could try dancing your crummy mood away before lovemaking. Sometimes, life with kids, career, housework, aging parents, and the many many more demands on your time can create anxiety, stress or even anger that makes it difficult to shift into the right frame of mind for enjoying sex with your partner. Take just 5 minutes for your favourite song to shift that stuck emotional energy from your body inviting in more pleasurable feelings. Dance how you feel, shake, sound and emote until you feel clear and ready for intimacy. (side note: sometimes this won’t work, and that’s okay - try relaxing first and then ask your partner for what you need instead - cuddles, massage, a shoulder to cry on)
Mindfulness Tool #4 - Invite more sensation through breath and sound.
Deep full breaths. Conscious breath. Keep breathing. Breathe into the parts of your body you want to focus on. Let your breath expand the sensations you enjoy - allow yourself to relax into each breath, riding the undulating pulsation of the flow of prana (life force energy) through your body.
Use audible exhalations (sighs) to release tension through your body.
PRO TIP FOR THE BEDROOM : Enjoy sex more by being vocal during love making or self pleasure.
One of the best ways to awaken your sexual turn on is to use your voice to express how you’re feeling. Sound is a powerful tool that will enhance and liberate sensations in your body creating more pleasure as you free up the flow of energy. Give it a try and see what happens! If you have kids and you’re worried about making too much noise, playing music in the bedroom and sounding into your pillow can help reduce the volume so your kids won’t wake up or come knocking on your bedroom door!
Mindfulness Tool #5 - Use Meditation as a tool to experience your truth.
Anything that you can observe, you are not that thing. You can observe your thoughts, your movements, your breath. You are not these things. You are the observer, the witness of this experience. Allow yourself to rest in the spaciousness of observation - allow your practice to connect you more deeply to the truth of who you are.
Imagine your practice as though you were an ocean. You can be fully in the waves, being tossed around by the fluctuations in your thoughts and sensations. Enjoy the wild ride, allow yourself to be fully present in it. You can also dive deep into the ocean and feel the undulations happening at the surface of the water - but in the depths you’re not being tossed around, you can experience and feel and be a part of the experience without the chaos of being in the waves. As the witness you can fly up into the sky above the ocean and see the waves and the depths below as something to observe, while also recognizing that you are not the ocean or the waves but that you’re the observer of this experience.
PRO TIP FOR THE BEDROOM: Use your meditation practice as a way to stop overthinking during sex.
If you’re the type who plans grocery lists while lovemaking then this tip is going to change everything for you! When you feel yourself getting “stuck in your head” during love making or self pleasure remember to practice meditating. Send your awareness to what you’re currently doing. Notice all of the sensations, focus on your breath, relax your body, tune into how you’re moving. Return again and again to what you’re experiencing moment to moment and do that as often as you need to without judgement. This, like all other forms of meditation or yoga, is a practice. Over time you’ll find yourself feeling more focused, experiencing more pleasure and enjoying sex more often!
GROUND. FEEL. MOVE. BREATHE. OBSERVE.
When you master these mindfulness tools on your yoga mat, or in any other area of your life, you will more easily be able to apply them to your self pleasure practice or to lovemaking with your partner. Let every moment be an opportunity to practice your capacity to become fully engaged with your body and more present with your life.
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