There are so many ways to approach self-care, and it's so important to find something that works well for you, but one of the areas many women tend to overlook is their sexual self care. When things get busy, it's often sensuality that gets placed on the back burner. I've spoken to so many women who deeply desire to reconnect with their sensuality - because they know how good it feels to embody pleasure and they've realized how this part of themselves has been ignored. Having a regular sexual self-care practice is one way to ensure that there is an ongoing intentional connection with your sexuality.
In a culture that expects you to be 1000% desirous all of the time, sometimes when you're "not in the mood" or feeling overwhelmed - it's easier to completely disconnect with your sensuality rather than focus on it.
Here's something I want you to know. Taking care of your sensuality doesn't mean having more sex, it doesn't even mean that you need to even want to have sex. If you're overtired, overworked, and overwhelmed and sex is the last thing on your mind - that's perfectly normal, it's okay and it's not permanent. But, if you keep ignoring the fact that you ARE a sensual, sexual woman who deserves to feel pleasure and deserves to be connected with your body - you'll probably find yourself feeling more and more disconnected from the things that make you feel good, light you up, and help you feel joyful and alive - like sex!
If you're having GREAT sex, or feel deeply desirous for sex a lot of the time - these self-care tips will help you nourish yourself sensually, establish boundaries and clear expectations around your pleasure, and support your overall health in a positive way!
Here's 5 ways you can start taking care of your sensuality today:
1. Learn to LOVE your period if you have one. For so many women, our menstrual cycle has been a time of inconvenience, pain, & challenging emotions. Learning to love your period and appreciate your cyclical nature can help you navigate the natural ebb and flow of your life. This translates into a deeper understanding of your energy patterns allowing more grace & compassion during low energy or inward days and expansion or celebration during high vibrancy days. (stay tuned, I'll be sharing ways that you can love your period in an upcoming email!)
2. Explore the idea of orgasm equality. In a 2006 study, 95% of heterosexual men reported reaching orgasm during sex compared to 65% of women. There are ample studies showing how orgasms support our overall health, AND they feel great! If you have a partner, set aside some time to have a conversation around creating orgasm equality in your relationship if it's not there - and more importantly, explore what excites you and supports you to experience maximum pleasure when you have sex. That means that taking time for self-pleasure is a KEY part of your sexual self-care!
3. Be patient with yourself and communicate with your partner(s) an expectation that they are patient with you as well. Understanding your sexuality, what excites you, how to orgasm in a way that feels good, and even fully understanding your sexual identity, desires and orientation can take time. You don't have to have it all figured out now - your sexuality can be an evolving, growing, changing thing. You're allowed to change your mind, you're allowed to have the fantasies that turn you on and you're allowed to explore pleasure at YOUR pace.
4. Nourish your body. Your health is a key component of your sexuality and when you don't take good care of yourself, you may notice it negatively impacts how you feel about your body and sex. This doesn't mean dieting and restrictive eating, PLEASE give your body what it needs! Trust that your body knows what to do with the food you eat even if it's a bit of sugar every once in a while - because PLEASURE. Eat whole foods, move your body every day (walking, exercise, sex, dancing etc), limit alcohol consumption and consider quitting if you smoke regularly. In addition to nourishing your body, it's also important to take care of your sexual health - if you have multiple partners make sure you go for regular STI screening (every 3-6 months). If you're in a long term relationship you could go for screening once every year or so when you have your PAP done.
5. Take time for sensuality and put it on the agenda every single week. Dance, touch your skin, notice pleasure, take your time putting on lotion, wear sexy lingerie and clothing that makes you feel confident and vibrant. Even better, sign up for my free 5-day sensual self-care course, Soothe & Nourish.
YOU deserve to take really good care of yourself and to nourish your sensual side with intentionality. I hope this list gives you a few more ideas for how you can ensure that pleasure is a part of your life as a rule, not an afterthought.