Why you need a sex coach.
Dec 14, 2019
When I first heard about the coaching profession, my first instinct was to question it. I couldn’t understand how hiring someone to help you sort out your life could be of any value - and perhaps it wasn’t even a legitimate profession. I figured there was enough self-help, yoga, and holistic diet plans out there that one could probably just sort things out on their own. I also believed that results won through hard work and self-commitment were bound to be more valuable results than just having someone else tell you what to do.
If I’m being totally honest, when I applied for Layla Martin's Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching program over 3 years ago, I still wasn’t fully convinced that coaching was the bee's knees. It wasn’t until we began our practicum coaching that I realized just how impactful being held in a container of coaching could be. It didn’t take me long to completely change my perspective about the coaching profession and I couldn’t be more honoured to be able to call myself a Sex Coach now.
One of the things that I was always curious about was the role of a coach, and how that differs from that of a psychologist or therapist. On the surface, it seems like the same thing - getting outside support to help you work through challenges in your life.
What's different about coaching is the speed in which a coach can create lasting transformation in her clients as opposed to the more long term approach of therapy. Coaching, while not exactly a quick fix, is far quicker at achieving results than therapy typically is. It is partially for that reason that quality coaches charge double or more per hour than a therapist. It's also one of the reasons why many therapists eventually switch careers to become coaches, it can far more lucrative to work outside of the medical system.
I will say that in many cases, coaching is not a substitute for therapy - like anything, there is a time when hiring a therapist makes the most sense and a time when hiring a coach is the best option. Therapists are highly trained, university educated and standardized in their approach to their clients. A good coach will let you know if your desires would be better met inside of a therapy container instead of coaching, or at the very least the coaching could be offered alongside therapy.
So, why hire a coach? You hire a coach to get results, to achieve a goal, to break through a plateau, to create powerful shifts in your life, etc. Coaches are really good at helping you find clarity for your goals and then supporting you through the action steps you need to take in order to achieve them.
Coaches are also incredibly good at reflecting things to you that you probably wouldn’t have ever thought of yourself. This is why it’s always better to hire a coach over trying to do your self-development work alone - a coach will always be able to take you deeper, further, faster than you could go on your own.
The training program that I took to become certified as a Sex Coach is groundbreaking in its approach to client support. While many therapists (and many coaches as well) only work with the mind, to create cognitive change - we work with the mind (both the subconscious and conscious mind), the spirit and the body. It is understood that in order to ignite lasting change in our clients, we must address their experiences holistically rather than in parts.
The reason why I work with sexuality specifically is that its a powerful catalyst for change and growth in most people. Sexual energy is indeed deeply healing, as well as the source of much of our deepest wounding or pain. We may have successful, happy lives on all fronts yet be unfulfilled and unhappy sexually. This creates inauthenticity that impacts our capacity to be fully realized human beings.
I believe that sex coaching and Tantra are well-positioned to become the new yoga, it won’t be long before many people recognize this HUGE piece of their self-development work has been missing.
Ultimately, we are created of sex. We are, at our core, sexual beings, and we live in a culture that has a mixed up, messed up relationship with sexuality and pleasure. We also live with the results of this: passionless marriages, lackluster sexual experiences, painful intercourse, difficulty with orgasm, deep shame, trauma, porn addiction - the list of ways in which we’ve become dis-integrated around our sexuality is seemingly endless.
Of course, this is being reflected in the public discourse around #metoo. For too long, women have been victims of a culture that devalues, shames, and distorts our sexuality. Women have been subjected to the male gaze in most aspects of our sexuality leaving us with very little agency over our bodies, our pleasure, and our desires. #Metoo is about reclaiming our agency and our erotic power.
From media to boardrooms, to bedrooms - women’s sexuality has been co-opted by a culture that is still entrenched in patriarchal, white, Christian, colonialist ideology. Many women hold trauma, shame, and deep wounding around their sexuality because of this and working with a coach can begin the process of healing and empowerment.
As the culture shifts toward a more open view of sexuality, as more women speak out about their right to be respected and honoured in the workplace, as we raise a generation of youth that are not willing to adopt our outdated ideologies taking to the streets to be heard, it will become more and more commonplace for women (and men) to realize that a foundational piece of their self-development work is their sexuality.
When I think back to younger Robin, who believed that yoga was the cure all to anything and everything (and don’t get me wrong, yoga is mega powerful, but it has its limitations for modern western practitioners), I feel immense gratitude that I didn’t stop seeking and that I’ll always continue seeking.
This big, beautiful, life is meant to be lived, to be experienced fully, it’s meant for taking risks - indeed it is the most grand seduction of all.