What surprises many of the women I work with is that I actually teach all of my yoga students some of the most effective mindfulness tools that work great on the yoga mat and even better in the bedroom and that having amazingly connected, mind-blowing sex with your partner (or on your own) is only just a few Sun Salutations away!
This method of teaching yoga wasn’t something I learned in my yoga teacher training 10 years ago. It’s actually something I learned two years ago while training with Layla Martin to be a Sex Coach. These mindfulness tools that I teach and share with my yoga students are actually the 5 Elements of Holistic Sexuality! Essentially, I’m teaching all of my students to be better lovers and the only thing they have to do to improve their sex life is take everything they’ve learned on the mat into the bedroom with them!
Let’s dive in.
Where in your body do you feel relaxation? Can you focus on that sensation of relaxation and then can you relax even more? Even more? Every exhalation feel yourself deepening into the spaces and places of relaxation. Close your eyes for a moment and continue to soften as though a blanket of relaxation has been laid over your entire body. Feel your connection to the earth below you. Feel yourself here and now.
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Notice the sensation you feel in your body. Some sensations will feel pleasurable. Some will be uncomfortable and others will be neutral. Allow your mind to focus on what you feel moment to moment. Move towards the pleasure while creating space for the presence of all other sensations to exist. This isn’t about ignoring how you feel - it’s about choosing what you want to focus on. My suggestion? Focus on what feels good.
To practice Body Meditation, lay quietly for 5 - 10 minutes and speak out loud every sensation that you feel and where you feel it. This will help you develop a relationship with sensation in your body which can improve your overall experience of pleasure.
Let your body be free. Don’t get locked into ideas about how your body should look. Trust your body’s innate ability to move intelligently. Close your eyes and let the rhythm of the practice move your body without inhibition.
If you’re “not in the mood” for sex but your partner is - you could try dancing your crummy mood away before lovemaking. Sometimes, life with kids, career, housework, aging parents, and the many more demands on your time can create anxiety, stress or even anger that makes it difficult to shift into the right frame of mind for enjoying sex with your partner. Take just 5 minutes for your favourite song to shift that stuck emotional energy from your body inviting in more pleasurable feelings. Dance how you feel, shake, sound and emote until you feel clear and ready for intimacy. (side note: sometimes this won’t work, and that’s okay - try relaxing first and then ask your partner for what you need instead - cuddles, massage, a shoulder to cry on)
Deep full breaths. Conscious breath. Keep breathing. Breathe into the parts of your body you want to focus on. Let your breath expand the sensations you enjoy - allow yourself to relax into each breath, riding the undulating pulsation of the flow of prana (life force energy) through your body.
Use audible exhalations (sighs) to release tension through your body.
One of the best ways to awaken your sexual turn on is to use your voice to express how you’re feeling. Sound is a powerful tool that will enhance and liberate sensations in your body creating more pleasure as you free up the flow of energy. Give it a try and see what happens! If you have kids and you’re worried about making too much noise, playing music in the bedroom and sounding into your pillow can help reduce the volume so your kids won’t wake up or come knocking on your bedroom door!
Anything that you can observe, you are not that thing. You can observe your thoughts, your movements, your breath. You are not these things. You are the observer, the witness of this experience. Allow yourself to rest in the spaciousness of observation - allow your practice to connect you more deeply to the truth of who you are.
Imagine your practice as though you were an ocean. You can be fully in the waves, being tossed around by the fluctuations in your thoughts and sensations. Enjoy the wild ride, allow yourself to be fully present in it. You can also dive deep into the ocean and feel the undulations happening at the surface of the water - but in the depths you’re not being tossed around, you can experience and feel and be a part of the experience without the chaos of being in the waves. As the witness you can fly up into the sky above the ocean and see the waves and the depths below as something to observe, while also recognizing that you are not the ocean or the waves but that you’re the observer of this experience.
If you’re the type who plans grocery lists while lovemaking then this tip is going to change everything for you! When you feel yourself getting “stuck in your head” during lovemaking or self-pleasure remember to practice meditating. Send your awareness to what you’re currently doing. Notice all of the sensations, focus on your breath, relax your body, tune into how you’re moving. Return again and again to what you’re experiencing moment to moment and do that as often as you need to without judgment. This, like all other forms of meditation or yoga, is a practice. Over time you’ll find yourself feeling more focused, experiencing more pleasure and enjoying sex more often!
GROUND. FEEL. MOVE. BREATHE. OBSERVE.
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